Don't make out with my wife yet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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