I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
