i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
