Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize