i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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