i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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