Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
