I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
