i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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