He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And then he peed in my hair
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
