I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
