just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
