Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
