she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
