Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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