the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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