fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
