so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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