sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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