I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
