you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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