is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're a waste of cheezeits
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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