it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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