i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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