Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
