Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
