You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
