We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bring me that man meat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize