today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
