now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i think my cat just said my name.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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