Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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