i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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