ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
