so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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