fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
