So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
