You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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