Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
