I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
