Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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