I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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