maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
3 2 1 whiskey
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
