You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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