Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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