im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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