I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
