dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
