Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
