im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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