my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
