i can't believe i had my finger in that
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
