Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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