So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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