She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
