so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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