so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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