I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think people are normalizing furries
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
