Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
