well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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