Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
