i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
