Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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