she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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