We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This baby is an asshole
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
