When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
