Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
