that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
