I'm eating all of the evidence.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
