pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just cropdusted the office
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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