The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
