life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
