Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where is the hickey?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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