in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
